I hope you are doing well and enjoying the changes in the weather. The year is moving by fast, the first quarter is over and we’re trying to solidify our summer plans. This reality has made it very clear why I have so many unfinished projects.
On to where my head has been at recently...
I’ve been thinking a lot about that post I wrote about Playing it Safe. Reading those Bukowski poems really made me think about what my life had added up to. Where I was headed and where I’m not.
I get depressed with it not matching what I’m seeing from others.
It’s been a long time since I’ve read poetry. I’ve never read a poetry book cover to cover. It almost feels weird reading it like that. Like that time I tried to read a choose your own adventure without making any choices…
I added Charles Bukowski’s The Pleasures of the Damned to my reading list based on a recommendation. When I bought it I wasn’t sure it was his poetry. It’s been good. Better than anticipated. There’s a reason Bukowski has a following. There have been quite a few of his poems that stood out.
I am traveling for work this weekend. When booking the trip I didn’t think twice about getting on an airplane on September 10. My memory for tragedy is short. I am a hard-wired optimist. I am more comfortable on the smallest sliver of silver lining than embracing the complexities of an event like September 11.
Now that I’ve recognized that discomfort perhaps it’s time to lean into it. To do that I must rehash my own experience with the timeline of September 11, 2001.
I turned 37 this year. An inconsequential age on my timeline here. Or so I thought.
While walking along the boardwalk downtown my daughter said to me, “You’re old dad.”
To which I responded, “I’m 37. I’m not old.”
My words went right over her head as she promptly got distracted needing to chase a pigeon off the pier.
Meanwhile, that phrase transported me back 24 years to Las Vegas. Sitting in Nate and Matt Williams’ living room watching this:
I have been working on my non-dualistic thinking. Trying to give myself grace around the things I don’t particularly like about myself after acknowledging they exist. Recognizing that both sides are the same person. It’s all me, not just the good or the bad, but all of it. Creating that unity is hard.
“So, I’m Thinking About…”
This phrase stood out to me this last week. I heard it a lot. More than usual. It stood out because it’s something I’ve said...a lot.
Hearing it this week bothered me...a lot. Because I know what it means.
My wife and I went for a walk the other night. On this particular walk, I could smell the fall in the air. The dampness in the air isn’t as warm. There’s an earthiness to it, the leaves are wanting to change. Summer is coming to an end.
My sense of place is blurry. I blame growing up in the air force and having a hard time answering the question, “Where are you from?” I still get itchy feet every three years and have managed to build a career changing jobs or locations within that time frame.
More than anything I like the idea of philosophy. Growing up extremely religious I drew a thin line between theology and philosophy. Socrates appealed to me both because of his thoughts and his method.
For Socrates philosophy was a way of living. It was a process in which we made sense of our limited time. Because of that, he took the streets to ask everyone why. Why they did anything. He wanted logical reasoning, not just the standard, “...because…”