Hard Conversations = Love

Hard conversations are uncomfortable and love is comforting. The way these two emotions feel puts them at odds. I have spent the my life keeping them separated.

True to human nature. They are paradoxically connected. But the connection depends on the definition of love. M. Scott Peck differentiates these two kinds of love:

1. Romantic Love - the overwhelming emotional feeling we typically associate wtih love. It’s a good feeling.
2. Genuine Love - is more choice than emotion and is directly connected to respect and discipline. Genuine love can evolve from romantic love.

The feeling of wanting the best for someone else is genuine love. When hard conversations are based in this, not anger, then the hard conversation has a chance at being successful.

Every hard conversation is painful which is why we avoid them. Genuine love can motivate us to risk our own comfort for the benefit of the other person. Seeing that willingness to be uncomfortable is the kind of love I want in all my relationships. But damn, it’s hard.