Response to Bukowski

I’ve been thinking a lot about that post I wrote about Playing it Safe. Reading those Bukowski poems really made me think about what my life had added up to. Where I was headed and where I’m not. 

I get depressed with it not matching what I’m seeing from others.

Unfortunately, this is primarily filtered through social media. Where it’s easy to spot what I don’t have or am not doing. Assuming that it’s the big events that bring purpose and meaning. It’s the big things we do in life that will stay with me. 

As much as that’s believed it’s not how it works for me. When I look back at the moments I remember or things I think about fondly. It’s never the big events. It’s always little interactions or the smallest details that mattered. 

Here’s a list of big things I did and what ultimately what stands out to me:

• Getting lost at Disneyland - Reaching out to God for help.
• Attending a Weezer Concert at Shepards Bush in London - getting a Jimmy Eat World sample CD while standing in line with my best friend.
• Getting Married - the conversation I had with my wife in the car after the reception
• My last play in college - the snow one night during the performance
• My teaching career - weird little conversations with my students (there were a lot)
• Moving across the country (as an adult) - My son telling me jokes about Lewis and Clark

These smaller moments that stick with me rather than the big events I tend to focus on remind me of the Old Testament story about the brazen serpent.

In the story the Children of israel have gotten sick they are starting to die. They ask Moses (and God) to save them. The solution is Moses putting a snake on stick and having the the Children of Israel look at the snake. When they do they will be healed.

A simple task that many people thought it too simple it wouldn’t work. Refusing to look at the snake they died. The rest of them who decided to look weren’t instantly healed.

It’s the little things that make a big difference. As boring or as unremarkable they these small actions are they are what makes the difference.