Uhhh...I Didn't Know That Skeleton Was In Here

My evolved lizard brain loves labels and compartmentalization.  So did my middle school self.
 
When I process what is happening in my world it was so much easier to understand it when things fit into boxes and don’t overlap.  Because of that, I have tried to fit myself into a box.
 
I hate the word hypocrite because deep down I knew I am one.  How could I, a “skater”, like Nike?  How could I, a Mormon, like tattoos?  How could I, an artist, like business?
 
It doesn’t make any sense.  And I hate it.
 
When I look at the people that I look up to and admired I only see one thing, the thing that they are good at, the thing that they are known for.  It is impossible for my 2-dimensional brain to fathom those people having 3-dimensions.
 
Every one is stock character.
 
When people show signs of depth, or differences, or weaknesses, or variety, I think less of them.  I think, they don’t have don’t have things figured out.  When I say, “people” I really mean me, and when I say, “them” or “they”, I really mean myself.
 
I have rejected my complexity.  I rejected the things about me that didn’t make social sense.  I don’t understand why at 15 years old I would rather watch Samurai Jack than the Super Bowl.
 
I just thought I was weird.  I thought I was different.  I thought I was an outlier.  Because of that, I thought I was special.
 
There’s nothing to understand.  I’m just like every one else.  I’m a whole person.
 
I’ve finally started to accept that.  It’s okay for me to be me.  It’s okay that my story involves:

• Recruiting kids to college
• Making pizza every Friday night
• Writing vulnerably and no one ever really reading it
• But secretly hoping everyone reads it
• Struggling with my relationship with God
• Doing improv occasionally and remembering why I love it so much
• Fights with my kids
• Long hard conversations with my wife
• Cold showers
• A standing desk
• Being intimidated at the gym
• Wishing I was a vegetarian
• Having a hard time getting the sleep I know I need

 
And that’s only part of the story.
 
I have spent years trying to find out who I am when I’ve been here the whole time.  I don’t know why it has been so hard to me to get comfortable being inside my own skin.  I can’t say that it’s comfortable all the time but, I know that the few times I have felt it it feels pretty great.
 
I found these videos a couples of years ago and had an instant connection with them.  Mostly because they do what I described above, focus on the one thing.
 
Rediscovering them recently I’ve found a different layer to them, Aaron Draplin’s side hustles aren’t side hustles.  They are pieces that make up who he is.  I am sure he is much more complex and interesting that what’s shown.
 
Take the time to enjoy his authenticity.
 
WARNING: there are some f-bombs.