I have spent most of my life making assumptions. Most of those assumptions have been wrong, thank goodness. But I didn’t always think that was a good thing.
I used to be pissed that my assumptions weren’t right. Like the world owed me.
Sometimes my assumptions contradict themselves. None of them logically made any sense, but my assumptions aren’t made on thinking through something well enough to come to a rational decision. No. I fly by the seat of my pants, making split second decisions based on how I feel at any given moment.
One of the assumptions I’ve had for as long as I can remember is that other people are smarter than me, and have there crap together more than I do. I wrote about that assumption here. The contradiction to that assumption is that most of my assumptions are wrong.
That assumption is no exception.
It’s not that I am brilliant beyond reason or that no one compares to my intellect, it’s more that I never gave myself enough credit. When I get the opportunity to talk to someone who is really good at what they do, and we start to dive deep into insecurities, and assumptions, and we get real vulnerable….the light turns on.
We’re all in the same boat.
I used think of progress as vertical. There was this ladder that I was on and I was either progressing up or moving back. Since the light has turned on more than once I’ve changed my mind.
Instead I think we’re all on the same level, just in different spots. No one is better than anyone else; we’re all just in different places. It’s not a matter of moving up and down, to meet someone else’s standard of where they think I ought to be. It’s about me getting to the right spot that works for me.
The thing I loved about Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty grabbing the wrong envelope and committing to whatever came out of their mouth is that it shows them as fallible human beings. The only difference between them and me is they have different talents and different opportunities. But, they put their pants on one leg at a time too.
One of the concepts that I have been working through is the idea of accepting where I’m at and who I am. Looking at that lateral plane that we’re all on, throwing out the assumptions I have about myself and just observing where I’m at.
If I can accept where I’m at on that line then I can start to make movements to where I want to be. When I can see what’s really in front of me, as apposed to what I think is in front of me, then I can do something about it.
When I was struggling in my marriage for the first time (relationships will always be hard) it blindsided me. I assumed that I was doing everything I needed to do in order to have a healthy and happy marriage. The deeper that I got into the why and what was going on the more I saw through the facade that I was creating.
My marriage wasn’t working because I wasn’t willing to be honest with myself about what I needed and what the relationship needed.
Since making that discovery things have gotten better, but the necessary changes never would have happened had I not opened my eyes to the real situation.
Thank you Faye and Warren (we’re on first name basis).