I Sure Hope I'm A Good Dad.

​Even from an early age I have thought that I was built to be a dad.  It’s one of the things that I love about my life right now.  I also fantasize about being an empty nester.  But my relationship with my kids means a lot.
 
All of that being said, it’s a strange relationship.  Maybe that’s just because relationships as a whole are strange.
 
I volunteered at my kids school recently and it was great experience.  It’s great to be in the classroom for multiple reasons.
 

1. I have a better understanding about the education process my kids are going through.  This was particularly important with common core math.  I’m a believer.
2. Teachers have their hands full and I was glad to help in even the smallest ways possible.
3. It makes me proud to see my kids do well in things that used to be hard but because of the work they put in things are now much easier.
4. I feel like a rock star every time my kid looks back at me during the day and smiles because they are glad that I’m there.

 
During this particular trip to the school what made the biggest impact on me was not my own kids, but the other kids in their classes.
 
I went to PE with my son and got the opportunity to help the teacher run the class (I’m very athletic).  With this opportunity I got to work closely with half the class.   There were a few students that just wanted my attention, and visibly absorbed it when I gave it to them.  I’d love to say that it was my magnetic personality, but it wasn’t.  I have no idea what it what it was, I just hope that I was able to provide whatever it was she was looking for.
 
What it did to was make me think about what I am providing my kids.  Whether or not I was aware of their needs and doing my best to provide those needs for them.  Again the answer is I have no idea, but I sure hope so.
 
In the book Social Animal the character Harold describes a time where he is playing with his friends at young age (I’m remembering the 5-8 range), and his dad walks in to check things out.  In that moment his dad gets caught up in the game that is being played and tries to join in.  While trying to figure out how to play the dad gets lost and finally gives up.  The dad can’t keep up with the energy or the ever-changing rules.
 
I am sure in that moment Harold’s dad felt completely disconnected from him and probably felt like his relationship was slipping.  It probably wasn’t slipping it was probably just changing.
 
That brings to the point of these thoughts and events:  what’s my role as a father?  Here’s what I’ve come up with:
 

1. I need to be an example.  But not an example of doing everything right, but an example based in reality.  Sometimes I lose my temper, and sometimes I make bad decisions, and sometimes I’m not a very good person, but I will always call out my mistakes and correct them the best I can.  That provides a baseline for what’s acceptable behavior.  Mistakes are always okay as long as they are recognized and corrected.  No matter what choices they makes they can always pivot and change.
2. Love unconditionally.  For those of you who are parents this feels like a not brainer.  But unconditional love is much harder to show than it is to explain (another reason why no. 1 is so important).  I tell my kids I love them every day, but when I spend time with them, play with them, listen to them, validate them, and apologize for my asinine behavior they see that love in action.  Actions speak a lot louder than words.
3. Find value in their interests.  This is a hard one.  My son was very interested in trucks, and transformers (even at that I age I wasn’t into trucks).  I kept my Ninja Turtles because I knew my son was going to love them (he doesn’t).  My son also loves Minecraft (I still don’t get it completely).  But just because I’m not interested in them doesn’t mean they don’t have value.  I have to remind myself that everyday, especially when I play Minecraft and all I do is run around.  It doesn’t matter if I see the value, what matters is that I value them and therefore their interests. (If you’re wondering about my daughter, she and I seem to share more interests, thank you theatre degree.)

 
Oh yeah….and money, food and the shelter.
 
 
What roles have you taken on a parent that has made an impact?