A Softer Shadow

I have been working on my non-dualistic thinking. Trying to give myself grace around the things I don’t particularly like about myself after acknowledging they exist. Recognizing that both sides are the same person. It’s all me, not just the good or the bad, but all of it. Creating that unity is hard.

The other night I was talking with my wife through a recent insight I had about some baggage. I was leaning into the shadow. The darker side of my traits that have been hard to even see. As I was I was connecting dots between past trauma and recent events she said to me…

“Yeah, but you’re not always like that.”

She acknowledge the fault which was validating in it’s own right but then took it to the next level. Telling me that I’m always in that shadow. I can get there, for sure, but my behavior isn’t always lurking.

Then it clicked. I’ve been thinking dualistically. Painting myself into corner by assuming that I’m all one thing or another. That I fit nicely into a categorized box. But I don’t. I can’t. 

As much as I would like to be I will never be all one thing or another. As much as I can carry a label around to understand where I’m at, what I need, or what I’d like to change, that label will also be inconsistent and flexible. It will adjust depending on the situation.

I found great comfort in seeing that my shadow isn’t all black.